Some very troubling, very real, very visceral, visible, and scary attacks
against Christians have happened over the past few weeks. As an active member of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints myself, seeing these attacks has
been troubling. At the same time, I aim to see other people's viewpoints and
seek to understand how people could get to a place of such anger and hate to
carry out such murderous acts. What is it about Christians that people seem to
hate. Perhaps it's the "other" things that come along with being Christian.
Being different. Being bold. Standing for things that aren't popular. Standing
up for heterosexual marriage. It can be complicated. I have good friends and
even family members who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. They are wonderful
people. In my eyes, they are even Christlike, often in more ways than I am. I
can not even imagine how painful it must be for them to grapple with the fact
that if they marry someone they love of their same sex, they cannot be married
for time and all eternity in the temple and they cannot receive the same
blessings of endless posterity and kingdoms. I try to put myself in their shoes
and think what it would be like. And it just really really hurts me. It feels
like a continual nightmare. How do they do it? How do they hang on? Some do.
They strive to be members of a church where they don't feel they can reach the
true measure of THEIR creation. And this must be gut-wrenching. Others hold on
for as long as they can but then realize the way they feel cannot be reconciled
with church doctrine and covenants. I see them still live wonderful lives, but
step away from the church. And if I am being honest, this is not my place to
judge. In fact, I can deeply appreciate why someone would make this choice.
Many, it seems, find more peace following this path. And after all, God said
that men are that they might have joy. So in many ways, I am very happy for them
and the peace they have found. So what is the deal? Why would God ever send
someone to earth gay and then shut them out of his kingdom. It feels
immeasurably cruel. I like to believe things are much more nuanced than they
appear here. I like to think we don't yet have all the answers. And I choose to
love all as my brothers and sisters. We see through a glass darkly. We cannot
comprehend all the things God can comprehend. His ways are higher than our ways.
I don't know everything, but as Nephi stated, I KNOW that God loveth his
children. He loves me. He loves you. He loves those who have committed brutal
murder. He loves those who were murdered. Jesus died and felt the pains of both
the murderers and the victims. I do not fathom HOW, but I feel deeply in my mind
and heart that he does. And by personal Gethsemane experiences in mental
hospitals and other soul-stretching traumas, I KNOW the Jesus is my Christ. He
is my friend. He is my best bro. I am so grateful for him. My deep desire is
that everyone can feel that brotherly love that surpasses all. He loves you. So
so so very much.
There are some days when we're just not feeling it. Sometimes we feel that all the cute churchy answers are nice on the outside but that they're really not going to make anything better. Sometimes it feels like wishful thinking. It seems weak. At times I just want to rest in God's love. I just want to feel my Savior next to me. Sometimes I feel him there. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes there's a lot of negativity towards and around the church. And sometimes I can see why. I do see some things that are troubling. What I always hang on to is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost I've been given. I know that sounds cheesy to some. They don't think it's a real thing. But I have felt peace so many times through the Holy Ghost. I've felt him tell me that Jesus says, "It's all gonna be ok. Just trust. Be patient. Ponder. Let go. Know that I've already paid the price. You don't need to prove anything to me...
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